Essays in Love by Alain De Botton

Author:Alain De Botton [De Botton, Alain]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Family & Relationships, Philosophy, Social Science, Love & Romance, General
ISBN: 9780771026065
Publisher: McClelland & Stewart
Published: 2008-04-07T20:00:00+00:00

5. It is no coincidence if, semantically speaking, love and interest are almost interchangeable, 'I love butterflies' meaning much the same as 'I am interested in butterflies'. To love someone is to take a deep interest in them, and by such concern to bring them to a richer sense of what they are doing and saying. Through her understanding, Chloe's behaviour towards me gradually became studded with elements of what could be termed ‘I’-confirmation. Contained in her understanding of many of my moods, in her knowledge of my tastes, in the things she told me about myself, in her memory of my routines and habits, and in her humorous acknowledgement of my phobias lay a multitude of varied ‘I’-confirmations. Chloe noticed that I was a hypochondriac, that I was shy and hated speaking on the phone, was obsessive in my need to get eight hours' sleep a night, hated lingering in restaurants at the end of meals, used politeness as an aggressive defence, and preferred to say 'maybe' rather than yes or no. She would quote me back at myself ('Last time, you said you didn't like that kind of irony . . .'), patiently holding in mind elements – both good and bad – of my character ('You always panic whenever. . .' 'I've never seen anyone forget petrol as often as you do . . .'). I was afforded a chance to mature thanks to the insights into my personality that Chloe afforded me. It takes the intimacy of a lover to point out facets of character that others simply don't bother with. There were times when Chloe would tell me frankly that I was defensive or critical, or more colourfully, 'a jumped-up twerp' or 'as nasty as congealed gravy' - and I would be brought face to face with areas of myself that ordinary introspection (in the interests of inner harmony) would have avoided, that others would have been too uninterested to highlight, and that it needed the honesty of the bedroom to reveal.

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